07 December 2006

8 December 2002

This was my view--briefly, as the train moved on--at dawn. Snow, snow, snow, with signs of life here and there: a dog in a yard, smoke in a chimney, a few solitary walkers or cars. But mostly, conifers and snow as far as I could see.

A few hours later, we met Curious Girl for the first time. "Hi there," I think I said to her. Not the most original line, but then, what did she know of English words? I smiled, and she looked to her caretakers. And then she looked at Politica, looked at me, with her big brown eyes. "Do you want to be Curious Girl?" I asked her later. We were still calling her by her birth name (now her middle name, which I frequently use along with her first name), very cautious about how things would proceed. One family we traveled with ended up adopting a different child than the one they had come to meet, because the first child's mother had come to the orphanage to visit while we were flying over. That was a good thing, Politica and I thought, but I'm not sure the other family would have agreed.

When I look back at the photos from this day, I'm always struck by what I see in Curious Girl that I couldn't know then. Her seriousness a coping strategy for stress. Her little hand curled up, rubbing her head, a way of comforting herself. Politica and I smiled a lot, but we also looked around in amazement a lot. What had we gotten ourselves into?

Halloweenlover had a post a few weeks ago wondering when she would feel like a mother. I don't remember feeling like a mother on the day I met CG. But I do remember feeling like I was falling into her big brown eyes, in a miraculous, out-of-time kind of way. I felt happy and sad and excited and curious all at once.

Tonight, she told me she loves me more than anyone else, and a few seconds later said she loved me and Politica more than anyone else. She's been talking about her birth parents, too, and wanting a daddy. There's a lot going on in her head as she learns, again and again, what family means.

Four years later, I know so much more about love, both between me and Politica and with Curious Girl. Love doesn't make the loss go away, but I hope it gives us the strength to help CG grow. So far, so good.

This feels unfinished, but Politica's at the door: and really, how to wrap up a post about such an amazing day?

17 comments:

Phantom Scribbler said...

Gorgeous.

Jody said...

Happy Anniversary. :-)

Arwen said...

You know when you start tearing up but it feels like electricity in your nose? That's what's going on for me reading this post.
Just beautiful. I think I'm with CG, that I'm learning, again and again, what family means. That's a long process.

Suzanne said...

What a sweet post. Congratulations on such an important anniversary.

timna said...

It doesn't get wrapped up. Just keeps on going.

Inside the Philosophy Factory said...

What a wonderful post for an amazing day. I feel honored that you met CG on my birthday.

winterskeeper said...

oh wow! beautiful post. happy anniversary to all three of you.
Rebecca
Mama to W & W

Round is Funny said...

Beautiful! Happy happy December 8th!

chichimama said...

What a wonderful and beautiful experience and post. All three of you are lucky to have each other.

What a happy, happy day for you.

elswhere said...

This is beautiful. Happy anniversary to all three of you.

Suburban Gorgon said...

Oh, Susan. Thank you for sharing that. I've said it before and I'll say it again. That child landed in clover.

liz said...

Happy anniversary!!!

mc said...

Just beautiful. Thanks for sharing it.

comebacknikki said...

Very sweet. Happy (belated) anniversary!

Genevieve said...

Happy anniversary to you and your beautiful family.

trillwing said...

Wow. What an amazing story.

Happy anniversary to all three of you!

Piece of Work said...

What a great day. And especially touching to me, since December 8th is my birthday. Happy Anniversary to all three of you.