22 November 2007

I Wore My Wedding Dress

We had the traditional lesbian vegetarian thanksgiving: mushroom-tofu-leek phyllo pastries, maple pumpkin pie, roasted vegetables, cranberry sauce with a raspberry/orange twist, and a wonderful salad made by Husband of Pseudonymless Friend. The children ran around the house and everyone was happy except for the shy cats. My parents (who are not vegetarians) are here, and Mom asked Politica "Where's the bird?" (we did cook a turkey two years ago for Thanksgiving, but it was a lot of work, I didn't eat it, and the house smelled of turkey for a whole day afterwards. Why do that when the phyllo pastries are so tasty?) But even the meat-loving grandparents were happy with the meal. It was good, and the table was beautiful.

At one point, my mother said to me, "That's a nice outfit you have on." I paused. "It was my wedding dress, " I told her. She doesn't know that because she didn't come to our wedding. She paused. "Cute outfit," she said, and turned away.

I have mostly let that go, that she didn't come to our wedding. Mostly.

I shouldn't dwell on that, when there are happier moments to savor:
  • Curious Girl falling asleep on my shoulder, exhausted after a day of playing, giggling, and shrieking
  • CG talking to the balloons in the Macy's T-Day Parade. I'm going to miss it when she finally figures out the line between reality and fantasy
  • Working in the kitchen with Politica. We were in and out of the kitchen all day, and the food was good.
  • Eating bread fresh out of the oven: I made sandwich bread for my parents, and when I offered to cut some for my mother her eyes just opened wide. "Don't you want to save it for the company?" You are the company!
  • Watching Politica gradually relax over the course of the day.
Here's hoping all Thanksgiving-celebrating-readers had a good day.


comebacknikki said...

Happy Thanksgiving! :)

elswhere said...


Arwen said...

That sounds like a delicious celebration, and like you were able to enjoy each other's company.

I'm sorry your mom didn't go to your wedding, and hope that the experience of your family will help her to learn whatever she needs to learn about love and family and celebration -- so that when CG gets married, she can be there without reservation, regardless. Although I also hope that CG won't choose to marry a member of a biker gang. You know. *g*

niobe said...

Ouch on the wedding dress thing. But has she never seen photos? Or maybe, like us, you decided not to have any wedding pictures taken.

susan said...

My mother (and father) are interesting and complex people: they wouldn't come to the wedding, but in daily life they are really scrupulously fair about treating Politica and me just like they treat my sister and b-i-l. If they take a trip, we all get T shirts. Same # of presents under the tree for each of us. But the wedding, no. They also didn't go to the (second) wedding of one of my (straight) cousins because the first marriage hadn't been annulled. They have Wedding Principles, I guess.

Magpie said...

So they were invited but didn't come?

I wore a hodgepodge outfit for my wedding - and wore the pieces a lot after the wedding. I always got a kick out of telling people that some piece was part of my wedding "dress".

Happy, belated, thanksgiving.

susan said...

Yes, they were invited, but didn't come.

Politica wore a lovely pale green silk pantsuit, and I wore a Carole Little earth tones outfit--a long deep red skirt and a very fanciful multicolored top. I wear it to teach in sometimes, and I do enjoy wearing it knowing that it was the wedding dress.

We do have photos, but they were taken by a friend who was photographing the day for us, and somehow, we didn't end up with a picture of just the two of us. She has seen a photo of us, my uncle, and my sister and brother-in-law, but I don't think she remembers that it's a wedding shot. Go figure.

jo(e) said...

Wedding Principles? That's what that kind of hurtful behavior is called? Ugh.

I'm glad you have happier memories to savor.

Ianqui said...

The children ran around the house and everyone was happy except for the shy cats.

Hey, that sounds exactly like my thanksgiving!

I'm glad you have a chance to wear your wedding dress again. I certainly never will. I should have thought about that at the time.

Rev Dr Mom said...

I love the idea of you wearing your wedding dress. And I'm sorry your mother wasn't there. "Wedding principles".....ah. Families can certainly be complex, can't they.

Happy Thanksgiving, a bit late!

Arwen said...

Is your family Catholic? My mom had similar problems in her family with second marriages.
However, amusingly to me although perhaps not to practicing Catholics, my ex's father, a priest who walked away from the priesthood, got married both first and second times in the church. Without annulment. It's all who you know, I think.

Phantom Scribbler said...

What jo(e) said. But I'm glad you are able to find a way to value what you can about your relationship to them. Being able to even mostly let go of that must have been a huge amount of emotional work, I think.

Thinking of you all, and wishing you the least-fraught holiday celebrations possible.

Songbird said...

Oh, that is making me sad, the part about the dress.
But the rest is so, so good.

suzoz said...

O has just turned 9 and still hasn't completely crossed the line from fantasy to 'reality', so you have some years of delight ahead of you.

liz said...

I'm glad that your T-giving was good but so so so sad that your mom & dad didn't come to your wedding.

Scrivener said...

My mother didn't come to my wedding either, though she was invited and even came up a couple months ahead of time to meet my future in-laws. I've kinda-sorta let go of that one, but really only because I have bigger complaints so I don't dwell on that one. In other words, I'm impressed with your ability to mostly let go of that pain and anger. I'm sorry that it's something you've had to work to let go of in the first place though.

All those interesting and complex people. Sigh.

turtlebella said...

There's a line between fantasy and reality? Huh. Must take note. (I think people on the TV can hear me too, especially Bush et al. They just don't listen when I talk...err...yell at them)

(Also, I think maybe your parents haven't quite fully understood about the line between fantasy and reality either, but in a more hurtful way. I am bruised on your behalf. But you sound quite at peace about it. Probably something to do with recognizing that line, between what we wish our parents were and what they are.)