Success, so far!

• Dad's surgery went well: minor complication (in that the leg veins weren't suitable for the graft, so they used veins in the chest instead), but otherwise, things went great. My mom and sister saw him later and while he's heavily sedated, they did think he knew they were there. The nurses were all very encouraging.
• I'm figuring out a little more of the odd family stresses: they're in the thick of it, getting tired from being at the hospital. So it makes sense that no one particularly wants to be on the phone very long with me (when I called my mom tonight, she basically said, "Dad is great, I'm exhausted, I need to eat dinner and sleep, I'll call you tomorrow.") In my normally chatty family, this sort of move is unusual. But it makes sense, and I remind myself not to take it personally.
• My parents are deferring to my sister a lot, which makes sense. So all the substantive communication to me is running through my sister. This is good, as she retains a lot more of the medical stuff than my mother does (and really, anyone in the midst of a health crisis needs a helper to be the notetaker and rememberer). But my sister's also got a husband and kids there, and they get her primary loyalty--she's not mainly concerned with me and my needs/questions. She's not ignoring them, of course, but it's not her main priority. So it's a little weird, from my self-interested position, when the family dynamic shifts for a moment to put one child in the middle, when for 42 years the dynamic has been one of two equal kids with parents in the middle. this all makes sense, given the situation, but it's a weird adjustment.
• Songbird's comment a post or two ago about the fact that the timing of any visit by me is likely not to feel quite right was so smart. (a blog benefit I'd never imagined: free and excellent pastoral advice!!) That started me thinking about all the ways in which I need to just see this situation as something that isn't going to feel right, all around. And I shouldn't take that personally.
• And after all, there's a lot to be thankful for here. The surgery went well. And a few added insights into the family dynamic can't ever hurt.